Comfortably sad
by minjask6572
Summary: Raven helps Beast Boy when he's feeling down.


I'm sitting on the edge of Titans Tower looking out across the bay. Rain pours down on my head, running through my hair and soaking my suit. I don't care. The occasional flash of lightning, followed by a clap of thunder, briefly illuminates the water, and the opposite shore, but then it drops back into darkness.

It's the perfect setting for a sad day, and today is a sad day indeed. Not because of any special date, just… because. I put my head in my hands and let out a sigh. At least it isn't cold. It probably should be cold.

"Beast Boy?" a soft voice calls in monotone.

I glance back. Raven is floating near the roof door, hood up, cloak concealing her whole body like it always does. Her expression is unreadable, like it always is. I turn back toward the city.

"Hey, Raven."

The spot where her body blocks the rain makes a sound—well, a lack of sound, but it's noticeable, and it moves closer until it stops just behind me.

"I noticed you weren't by the tv, and when I knocked on your door you didn't answer. Something on your mind?" Raven lowers herself onto the ledge next to me.

I hug my knees to my chest. "No I'm just… sad. I don't know. Do you ever feel sad and just… you're okay with it? Like, you don't want to be happy again, you just want to stay sad?"

Thunder crashes again. Raven puts a hand on my shoulder. "Yeah. Tell me about it."

I let my feet down, and stare down at them, ignoring the rain running off my nose.

She sits down next to me. letting her legs dangle off the edge of the tower, keeping her hand on my shoulder. A tear runs down my face. I don't say anything. Neither of us says anything for a while. I don't want to say anything. I just want to feel sad. But that's it, isn't it? I take a deep breath.

"I'm… sad. Sort of. It's not for any reason, it's just… because I want to. I mean, there's nothing really going on, but I'm just feeling sort of down, and all my usual outlets are busy right now I guess. Sometimes this just happens, you know? I just start feeling down for no reason. Usually I can make it go away, or wait it out but, this time? I don't really want to. I mean, I know it's going to go away eventually. What's the point in trying? I can just wait, right?"

But then, what's the point in feeling sad? If there's nothing wrong, why be sad? I even know the science behind it. It's all about serotonin imbalance or something. So I could just wait a while and feel better but…"

I sigh. This is going in circles. And I'm not making any sense. Raven takes her hand off my shoulder. I look up at her, only to find the same blank expression she always wears, except, somehow, different? She looks concerned, somehow, or maybe, interested? My head hurts to think about it, so I look down again, and go back to talking in circles.

"I just want to be sad. I like being sad. And I like being sad because it's… familiar."

Because I am sad. I've been sad for a year now. I've just had brief moments of happiness. But, every time I see someone happy. Every time I see someone struggle, and heal, and fix something broken between themselves and someone else, I remember I used to have that. And…" A lump forms in my throat. "And there's no way to fix it. It's over. She—she's gone."

Fresh tears stream down my face. My heart feels like I've been stabbed. I just want to die.

No, not quite. I don't want to die. I just want to stop feeling… yeah.

I take another deep breath.

"There's no point to feeling sad like this. It doesn't do anything good. It makes me feel awful, and it takes up my friends' time, and it takes up my time, and it's inconvenient for everyone and it does nothing. It's a waste of time."

I look up at her again.

"But right now it just feels comfortable. Does that make any sense?"

I sigh again and look back down.

"I'm just broken. And you know, I thought maybe I could sit with someone, but there's no one around who would understand. And the one person I used to talk about this stuff with isn't here anymore. She's never coming back."

Another long sigh.

"That's it. I just needed to say that to someone."

I feel like I should get up and leave, but the rain feels nice. Raven stops me anyway.

"I think I know how you feel," she deadpans. "Sadness is a part of you, and you've just been sad for so long that you don't know how to feel anything else."

"No that's not it," I say. "I know exactly how to be happy, or angry, or… something else… maybe?

"Sad is just… comfortable right now?"

"Yeah."

The silent spot expands, and suddenly there's no rain falling on me. I look up and Raven has telepathically extended her cloak over me to cover both of us. She smiles at me for just a moment.

"Okay."

That's all she says.

She's sitting cross-legged now, next to me, in her meditation stance, but… on the ground. She closes her eyes and just sits there. So I sit there too.

Without the feeling of rain on my back, I just listen to the sound. I close my eyes, and focus on just that sound and it's… comfortable.

The two of us sit together in the rain until it stops.

"You're not broken."

I look up. Raven is staring straight forward at the city. There's a clear spot of sky on the far side.

"You're sad, and you have a reason to be. But it doesn't need to serve a purpose. It just is. I don't really understand it myself, but it's a part of me too."

She looks at me with… comfort?

"It's okay to be sad. I should know. There's a whole part of me that's always sad. I don't really like to talk about it. There's a lot about me I don't talk about. But you're not broken, Beast Boy."

She looks back up and then closes her eyes, same neutral expression as always.

I sit back on my arms and sigh.

"Okay."

The sun starts to dry our clothes.

"Thanks, Raven."

I get up and leave.

* * *

Based on a conversation I had with a friend, and adapted to fit the world. I thought the dynamic between Beast Boy and Raven would suit this well. Let me know what you think.


End file.
